He wonders if he’s going in circles-or something more like a spiral. Throughout the book, Lewis reflects on the process of reflection itself. Is this metaphor particular to the loss of a partner with whom one was “one flesh”? Or do all kinds of loves make claim upon our bodies? How has a loss permanently changed your gait?Ĩ. He likens it to a man getting his leg cut off. Lewis maintains that we never let go of grief completely. What do you know about the fear and freedom of letting go of grief?ħ. As terrible as his “mad midnight moments” are, Lewis is afraid of what will replace them when they’re gone: boredom, shame, false hope? The truth, he finds, is that he remembers his wife better when the suffering subsides. When has your faith, if ever, become a matter of life and death? What beliefs shifted? And what beliefs remained?Ħ. “You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death.” Do our loved ones really livein our memory? Where are they exactlyafter they die? Can we be certain they are withGod-and in what sense? The consolations Lewis once found in religion have changed. Do you agree that these are important distinctions? Why or why not?ĥ. Similarly, Lewis is concerned about his perception of God and the reality of God. There is a tension for Lewis between his memory of his wife and the reality of who she was. But when we’re desperate, God feels more like “a door slammed in the face.” Has this been your experience? Where do you turn when you’re suffering? What kind of door has greeted you? Describe it.Ĥ. When we’re happy, he says, God feels like an open embrace.

A writer captivated by theology, Lewis turns to the presence (or absence) of God in our suffering.

How do you want to share space with other people in your darkest days?ģ. Sometimes, he feels like an embarrassment as friends and colleagues muster the courage to say something, anything, to him-or choose to avoid him altogether. Lewis admits to being distant from their conversations but needy for their company. Other people can complicate coping with our own grief.

Drawing from your personal story, how would you finish that same sentence? “No one ever told me that grief felt so like…”Ģ. Lewis in A Grief Observed, a book of reflections on life and loss after the death of his wife. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear,” starts C.S. Join us for the Everything Happens Book Club. Download these discussion questions as a PDF.

A grief observed book